. Saturday, 9 May 2020 .


We're now in the second week of May and honestly, there are so many things to do and so many datelines coming fast and deadly like a wrecking ball. And the time of the month didn't help either. There's a hot water bag placed on top of my tummy as I'm writing this lol. It's stressful and tiring, but I don't hate it at all.

So yeah, here's my last month's favorites!

Favorite songs of the month.


LYn - Only One Day (Mask OST)

He Xuanlin - Land of Ice and Snow (Skate into Love OST)

Favorite artist of the month.


If you guys have known me from way back, you'd know that I've always been a VERY big fan of these guys. And though with less (to no) group promotions for a long time (due to members enlisting one by one), the group suddenly went viral all thanks to Junho's 'My House' fancam which was very interesting to watch. K-fans suddenly took notice of them, and so did I—it's been years since I had properly listened to their songs and wow, it brings back all the nostalgia. I fell in love with them all over again, and I can't wait for them to come back!

Favorite dramas of the month.

A Piece Of Your Mind

This drama heals you—there, I've said it. It's very heartwarming, to see them comforting and healing each other. They say it was a bit slow, but it's what life is about. Sometimes, things do take time. The way Ha Won moving on from his past, Seo Woo's feelings revelation, the way Ha Won made up his mind and slowly took interest in Seo Woo instead, and how they started getting closer; it's all moving in a very natural pace. They support each other, they understand each other, even without words conveyed. This drama is so good that I'm still very angry with the fact that they cut the drama by 4 episodes.

Skate Into Love

Another drama with supportive leads. A relationship started from when they were kids that had been separated, and later meet again in the same university—they're the real epitome of (not exactly) frenemies-turned-into-lovers. The perks of being in a friendship that lasted a lifetime are that they're able to understand each other better than most people. They knew exactly what their partner wants and they try their best to help each other out. Their relationship is healthy; they're very supportive of each other, they motivate each other to become a better person as well as better athletes in their respective careers. And it's very refreshing considering that ice sports are their main theme of the story. It's very light-hearted, heartwarming but still able to deliver the messages right. Though a bit draggy at times, I wouldn't mind watching it again if it were for Lee Yubing (Steven Zhang) & Tang Xue (Janice Wu).

Favorite actor of the month.

Lee Junho

He's one of the reasons why I'm crazy about 2PM these days honestly and it is because I've been binge re-watching all of his dramas! He's a very great actor indeed. I have only felt this recently, but I think that one of his specialty/traits is that he has the ability to give me different feelings/emotions/perspective every time I watch his dramas. Because of that, I still feel butterflies even though I've seen them all—as if it was the first time I see him.


So that's it for April's favorites!

. Saturday, 11 April 2020 .


Remember when I told you guys in my last post that I had the craziest birthday last month? Well, that was just only a preview. Just as I thought it was the end of my celebration, something actually happened after that, making it not just the craziest birthday, but also a memorable day to remember as well.

So there's this one friend, my best friend, wished me a happy birthday on that day. He was my high school junior who is two years younger than me, and I got close to him due to his unexpected maturity side he shown during high school. We became friends around 2011/2012, and after 5-6 years of no sorts of contact, we finally saw each other again in 2018, and I have to admit that he has now grown into a very handsome young man and that we've been occasionally in contact ever since.

So that guy, Am, wished me a happy birthday on that day. And a few days later, he contacted me back asking whether I wanted to have a meal with him and his friend the next evening. Since we're studying in the same university and he lived near campus, I gladly accepted his invitation because I just miss him so much and I wanted to see him hahah (I haven't seen him for more than a year).

So he picked me up at my college, treated me to Sushi King, we talked a lot, took some pictures, and then he sent me back home.

And that was just it.

To be honest, too some people, it might seem like an ordinary occasion, but for me, it's the healing time that I've always wanted. I'm glad that he asked me out, helped me cleared my mind even just a bit. And that I'm very thankful to him.

I asked for his permission to upload his pictures, with the condition by mosaic-ing his face hjsahsja

Whenever I think about this, it makes me very happy and that I'm very glad to have someone like him in my life who would go all the way for our friendship. I often express my love for him (lol) and I'm happy that he reciprocates it every now and then. I appreciate our friendship so much and I wish our friendship will always stay strong until the end of our lives, insya Allah!

P.S. This goes to everybody else who knows me too. I appreciate and love you guys so much (you guys have no idea) and I hope you guys also feel the same! xx

Till then.

. Monday, 6 April 2020 .


I'm writing this at 2:34 a.m., just 30 minutes after a constant two-hour of a depressive episode. As I'm writing this, I was extremely tired, my eyes are puffy from all the crying and my head hurts too much that I wanted to sleep right away.

But I can't. That's the problem.

I've been having these thoughts where I feel like nobody is actually listening to me. Like genuinely listening. Most of them just lent their ears and then proceeded with "encouragements" and "tips" to overcome them (which I don't even need) without even showing proper sympathy, moreover empathy.

I'm sick of hearing those same words over and over again.

That is not what I want.

I just want someone to listen to me. To tell me that even though you don't understand, you're giving your best to actually try to understand me, that you're trying to put yourself into my shoes, that you really want to be there for me. I only want that and nothing else.

But apparently, almost nobody does this.

Not even the doctors.

And I can't blame them. Because they don't know how I actually feel. They can't empathize with me.

I understand them, I do. But I'm still, still somehow hoping that there is someone who's actually different from them. Just that one person. That one person is all I need.

But again, it's only a dream. A mere hope.

I just hope someday, all of these would just end.